Ever since my daughter was born I have felt this guilt about being a working mom. I felt like I should stay at home and take care of my daughter. Even though at the time she couldn’t speak she would look at me with the sad eyes and sometimes cry. My heart broke over and over again. It was really hard for the first few years. Now that she is in school it’s much easier. I love being a mom but being a stay at home mom isn’t for me. We had trouble securing a good nanny and when one would leave we would have to start over. That added to the guilt and stress. I work long days and when I come home I’m tired. I just want to unwind first and then spend time with my daughter and husband. There has always been this big struggle to balance work, being a mom, wife, cook, and just handle everyday life. When I’m at work I think about things to do when I get home like wonder what I’m going to make for dinner. When I was home I would think about work, packing my lunch for work, and getting things ready for the next day. My mind was always racing, always thinking about the next steps. It’s exhausting! After a long day at work I just want to put my pj’s on, have a glass of wine, get into bed and watch Bravo. But that’s not going to happen because I have…what’s it called?
My husband gets home a little before me and helps as much as he can but there are just some things that I take on as my own responsibility. There is that word again! I like spending time with my little girl. After dinner we pack her snack for the next day at school, pick out her outfit, bath, brush teeth, put on pjs and read a book. When your children are born you do every single little thing for them and as they get older it lessens. Now that my girl is getting older she does a lot of things for herself. I’m not sure if that makes me happy or sad. Maybe a little bit of both? Some nights I come home and I really don’t have the energy to complete the normal nightly checklist. If I skip something I then feel guilty and can’t stop thinking about it. Like the time I just wanted to finish watching Vanderpump Rules, but I knew I had to get my daughters teeth brushed, hair dried and into bed. If I delay the normal routine or skip something it just throws everything off.
When I have a day off it doesn’t feel that way. I thought a “day off” was a day for me to do things I don’t normally get to do for myself? The days of going to the spa, getting my nails done, doing some shopping, and then stopping to get my latte are long gone. Now, my days off revolve around my daughter and making plans to keep her entertained. Since I don’t spend most of my days with her because I am at work, I feel like I need to spend every moment of my days off with my little girl. We go to the park, pottery class, play dates and any other activities I can think of. This time spent with her is precious and worth more than any spa day. Being a working mom is hard. It is not easy to balance everything, but I wouldn’t change a thing. Well maybe I would add some extra hours to a day for some
but that would be about it.