Sometimes certain things my kid does scares the hell out of me. That feeling that you get in an instant when something is wrong or something bad is happening is the most horrible and life sucking thing to deal with. I feel that as a mom I am pretty cautious. I usually want my daughter within an arm’s length. Now, I know everyone is different and I am not judging. This is just my parenting style. With that being said it doesn’t really matter what your parenting style is because if something is going to happen, it will happen. You are not a bad parent. Shit just happens, but it just sucks a whole lot more when it involves your children.
About two weeks ago I was home with my four year old daughter, taking advantage of a lazy Sunday. We were going to watch a movie and had put some soft baked pretzels in the oven. While they were baking I looked out my front window and realized my trash cans fell over. All the bags had fallen out, so I told my daughter that I had to go pick them up and would be right back. She asked if she could take a quick walk with me. As she asked, the oven timer went off. The yummy pretzels were ready. I told her to put her shoes on quick and wait a moment while I get the pretzels out of the oven. My home has an open lay out and the kitchen is one of the first rooms from the front door. I quickly got the pretzels out of the oven and set them on the stove.
When I turned I said “you ready?” Then called out her name. There was no response. That quick second of silence was enough to get my heart racing and instill an insane amount of fear in me. I ran to the front door and saw this little human in her pajamas and Crocs walking to the sidewalk. We live on a one way street and people tend to accelerate down our block. My heart sank; I opened the door and ran outside screaming her name. She turned around and must have seen the fear in my eyes because she started crying instantly. I picked her up and we both were sobbing like two big babies. She was totally fine, but I wasn’t. I just couldn’t believe that my little girl would open the door and just head out by herself. What was she thinking? How did this happen? What did I do wrong? We have cameras around our house and my husband watched the footage. It was literally less than two minutes. You never know what will happen and you never think it will happen to you. I was lucky, but what if someone just snatched her up or she could have gotten hit by a car. I can’t get the image of her in pajamas, outside, and by herself out of my head. Again, I know all moms are different and some of you might be rolling your eyes thinking “Oh, she is being dramatic” but I gotta tell ya that this scenario scared the shit out of me.
I instantly started with the guilt. I felt that it was all my fault and I should have had eyes on her. Then I started wondering, what the heck she was thinking. I have told her certain things so many times. Like to never open up the front door. Always make sure to stay near mommy and daddy. Never to talk to strangers. Where did I go wrong? Did I not explain this or repeat it enough? When I asked her why she went outside without waiting for mommy she simply said “she wanted to help me and fix the garbage cans.” So, in that moment I let out a huge breathe that I had been holding since the incident occurred. I was suffocating and stressing about the whole thing. In that instant a huge weight was lifter from me. I reminded myself that she is only four years old. She wanted to help her mommy. It was so very innocent and sweet. This helped me to understand that it really was just a mistake. It wasn’t in anyway my fault or her fault. It just happened. Luckily this time she was fine and it woke me up a little.I wanted to share this story with all of you because hopefully it will remind some of you moms that shit happens and maybe it doesn’t hurt to be a little more cautious.